Grief Is An Asshole

I couldn’t agree more with the image I’ve chosen to include here.

My Mom passed away on June 29, 2018. The many months leading up to her passing were a severe emotional roller coaster for all of us as she struggled with her illness. Before my Mom passed, I definitely had an idea of what “grief” was and how the process would go. After all, I had previously lost all of my grandparents, so I knew what it would be like, right?

WRONG.

Grief is an asshole.

It doesn’t care about your plans for the day, your to-do list, or whether or not you’re comfortable bursting into tears in public when a certain song comes on while you’re standing in line at the grocery store.

It doesn’t have a definitive beginning or end.

It will sneak up on you when you’re watching a TV show and a certain scene or phrase triggers a rush of memories from your last days together.

It can muddle your brain so that some days even the simplest of tasks seem to require a Herculean effort.

It will force you to cancel plans when you just can’t even get out of bed.

It will make you question if you will ever be able to be a functioning human in society ever again.

It will highlight who your true friends are, and it will absolutely scare off a bunch of them.

It encourages you to get stuck in the head game of “should’ve”, “could’ve”, “what if”.

It can blindside you when you least expect it.

It hides in some of the weirdest triggers you could never even have imagined.

It makes some holidays almost unbearable.

But fighting it is futile. I tried that for a while and it just doesn’t work. Embrace it. BE in it. Practice self-love, self-care, and self-compassion in those moments (or days). Take time to grieve. Take time to cherish the memories and the love you did get to experience in your time together. I absolutely recommend a grief counselor/therapist so you can talk to someone about it. For me, I got tired of feeling like a “burden” to those closest to me as I was trying to process everything, so talking to an impartial outsider (my therapist) made a huge difference. I also recommend that you seek out healers that you resonate to help you move that grief energy through you so that you’re not continuing to carry it around.

If you are dealing with your own grief, I send you much love and light as you navigate this new part of your path.