Grief & the Holidays: Give Yourself Permission

For anyone that has gone through (or is going through) grief, the holidays can be particularly tough. I want to encourage you to be gentle with yourself and navigate the holiday season however feels right to YOU.

If you feel like putting up your Christmas decorations weeks before Thanksgiving because they make you happy and remind you of your loved one, do it. If you don’t feel like decorating at all for the holidays this year because the reminder of your loved one is too sad and overwhelming, give yourself permission to leave those decorations in storage. Christmas 2018 was my first one without Mom, and I just couldn’t bring myself to decorate for Christmas. It was too soon, too raw, too painful. Thankfully, my husband understood and allowed me to process things and navigate however I needed to.

Give yourself permission to celebrate your loved one however YOU see fit. There is no right or wrong here. For some, it’s throwing the party of all parties. For some, it’s a quiet night at home, sharing memories.  For others, it may by setting a place for their departed at the holiday dinner table, knowing they will always be with them.

If grief causes you to cancel some holiday commitments, so be it. And screw the guilt that can go with that. Guilt is a useless emotion. And lord knows you’re probably dealing with enough emotions this season, so you don’t need guilt butting his nose in there too.

Give yourself permission to cry when you need to and wherever you are. Sure, others might get uncomfortable seeing you teary-eyed, but that’s their problem, not yours. Honor how you feel. I used to be the person who NEVER cried in front of others. But since Mom transitioned back to spirit, there probably isn’t anywhere that I haven’t cried…in the car, at the bank, in line at the grocery store, in the middle of Magic Kingdom…you name it.

Give yourself permission to take some extra self-care days, in whatever ways work the best for how you’re feeling. Maybe you take an extra yoga class this week. Or download a new meditation app to try (Insight Timer is a great one, by the way). Or maybe even try some new ways of being artsy or creative. Honor how you feel and honor how your body, mind, and spirit choose to process your feelings.

Give yourself permission to process your grief and navigate the holiday season however it feels right to you. Everyone’s grief journey is different, so honor yours. And know that your loved one is with you, every step of the way.